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<title>Please Let My Brothers Heal by naturallesbain</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26985793">Please Let My Brothers Heal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/naturallesbain/pseuds/naturallesbain'>naturallesbain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mental Health Of The Gang [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:49:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26985793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/naturallesbain/pseuds/naturallesbain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is it, Ponyboy's chapter. </p><p>Please read the tags before continuing since this series is full of triggers. Please comment if you have any suggestions for future works</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mental Health Of The Gang [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1963348</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Please Let My Brothers Heal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ponyboy had noticed the way his brothers started changing like he noticed the seasons start to change.</p><p>It was subtle at first, Sodapop becoming more closed off, eating less, but Ponyboy had just assumed it was stress. Darrel started working harder, too. </p><p>It got worse rather than better. </p><p>Sodapop was dropping more and more weight, Darry was working more and more, coming home with backaches that Soda would no longer have the strength to kneed away. Everything felt like it was falling apart.</p><p>He blamed himself, too.</p><p>He had moved back into his old room since his nightmares had stopped for about a month. He had deemed it unnecessary to keep sleeping in the same bed and waking him up when he had work in the morning. </p><p>Now that he was thinking about it, he had seen the way the gang was more distant with Soda, becoming quieter whenever Soda was around, glancing at each other with worry-filled eyes as the talked in fervent and quiet voices. </p><p>Of course, Ponyboy was never allowed into these conversations, the gang talking to him like normal, pretending that they didn't see the worry in Pony's eyes as he too glanced at his brother. </p><p>Ponyboy let them think that, let them roll around in willful ignorance for as long as they'd like. </p><p>Ponyboy blamed himself for not telling the gang earlier when it was still undetectable unless you lifted up Soda's shirt. </p><p>He blamed himself for not keeping a closer eye on his brothers. </p><p>His stomach churned in knots as he thought about how much they suffered at his expense. I mean, those school bills and track gear weren't cheap, anyways.</p><p>He hates himself for it.</p><p>He hates in the way he turned a blind eye for so long, trying to keep up the facade that everything would be alright in the end after their parent's death. He hated how he talked back to Darry during the five to nine-month period, hated how Darry would try and do the best for him and he would just sigh and roll his eyes; Darry doesn't even look at him anymore.</p><p>He eats dinner alone now, Darry picking up extra shifts that keep him until the early hours of the morning, and well, Soda just doesn't eat anymore, but he saves leftovers for both of them anyway just in case they do get hungry.</p><p>Just in case.</p><p>Just in case.</p><p>'Just in case' was a phrase he was saying a lot lately. </p><p>'Just in case Soda starts eating again'.</p><p>'Just in case Darry comes home before one a.m.'.</p><p>'Just in case they find the bloody bandages in the trash can'.</p><p>'Just in case they notice bloodstains on my clothes'.</p><p>'Just in case they hear how tired I sound'.</p><p>'Just in case they find me, pale-faced with blood dripping from my thighs'.</p><p>I started cutting myself to get rid of the icky feeling in my stomach. The feeling that would shake me to the core whenever I thought about my brothers and how much they'd given up for me.</p><p>It was a tingle that went away with one swipe of a thumbtack or the unraveled tip of a paper clip, easy office supplies that you can find at any store. </p><p>Then it had gotten stronger, transforming into an itch that fought for the end of my blade to cut my skin with ease.</p><p>It was addicting.</p><p>So, addicting.</p><p>I started having to cut on my legs as to not worry my brothers.</p><p>I hope the scars fade in time for summer.</p><p>I hope they don't see them. </p><p>I hope they stay willfully ignorant. </p><p> </p>
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